Is it really week six of New Zealand’s Next Top Model? Why, it seems just like yesterday, or 42 days ago, that we were introduced to our cycle two contestants and now we face another elimination. The glittering promo this week said this would be the most shocking elimination yet, but could this be the one time they’re actually telling the truth and it really is a shock to our delicate systems?
As each week passes, the placement of Saramail seems to get more and more sadistic. This time it’s floating on a pillow in their watery moat and Elza leaps in to it’s rescue. It reads, “A top model needs to shape up or ship out.” This can only mean one of two things, and since we’ve already had makeovers it must be time for workovers. The girls are eating Tim Tam straws (the delectable treat where you bite off both ends up and suck up your hot beverage of choice, although beef tea is not recommended) when Sara arrives with a young man that all the girls, but particularly Dakota, admire intently. Sara says she’s there to talk to them about body image and introduces them to her personal trainer, Brad Werner who will assess them and help them devise a fitness and nutrition plan for their individual needs. Dakota describes Brad as “the hottest muffin out of the oven”. Bleeurgh, she must have been a mustachioed grease ball with a gold medallion nestling in her chest hair in a past life. Dakota is enjoying her assessment with Brad a little too much (except for the dreaded fat pinch test), even asking if his girlfriend knows he’s hanging out with all these models. He deadpans that she doesn’t care, because she’s a model herself. Shot down Dakota! She tells him he’s quite attractive and he should consider modeling. Eww, someone alert sexual harassment panda please.
A new Saramail arrives with the message “A piece of advice for my remaining top models, never take anything at face value”. The girls meet with Colin and Cherie from Covergirl who tells them they have five minutes to make over a fellow competitor and whoever does the best wins a years worth of Covergirl cosmetics. Danielle looks totally unimpressed with the prize but perks up when one of the twins screams with glee in her ear. Colin says “I would skin the winner for that prize and kill the rest of you just for the fun of it” to try and instill a bit of enthusiasm in our more morose models. Just as he’s about to start the clock on their five minute time frame, Colin tells Dakota to take off her hat, but when she reveals her “bad hair day’ lurking underneath he tells her she better keep it on, but that she should "be prepared for such a thing". Just like a boy scout!
Once their allotted time is up Colin tells them to “step away from your monstrosities”. Lara’s is patchy thanks to Danielle, and Colin asks Lara, “Why does she hate you so much?” When he encounters Eva’s heavy-handed job on Elza he tells her it looks good "from this side" as he faces the wall. Shriek! Dakota is fondly inspecting her work on Lauren with pride shimmering wetly in her eyes but it’s Holly who wins for the second time in a row.
Back at Model Towers the girls have a cupcake competition but old age pensioner Holly says she’s not participating because she’s not 12, and hasn’t been in a cupcake competition since she was in primary school, you know, 82 years ago. Her minion Danielle silently sits by her side smiling in agreement. Yeah, cakes ARE stupid! However, when Holly sees their delicious efforts she suddenly becomes interested and wants to join in. Her competitive nature just can’t resist! She adopts the role of Sara in a mock NZNTM photo ceremony and announces Nellie and Elza as the winners of the cupcake challenge who accept the coveted title with characteristic good grace and humor.
Their next Saramail reads “Sometimes a top model needs to share the limelight. It’ll be twice the work for twice the results”. They head to an abandoned building where Chris is waiting with photographer Tony Drayton and Shelley Ferguson from Cleo magazine. Tony tells them he will shoot two at a time and the girls are initially worried about who they’ll be paired with. Ultimately everyone seems happy with their second halves; perhaps with the exception of Danielle who says Dakota is in her own world, like “Dora the Explorer”. Tony thinks Courtney was great but Lauren held her back. It probably didn’t help Lauren that Courtney looked amazing, like a Flamenco dancer in a German cabaret. Holly and Lara bitch about Dakota and her behaviour towards Bret and how her attitude changes in front of the panel. Holly describes her as being like ‘Miss Little Kicked Puppy” at judging. Nellie and Elza get into a funny little fight as to who is cooler. I love that they never seem to fight, but when they do it’s about who is better. Are they for real? They are too delightful.
Back at the house Holly is all over the cleaning roster she created and enforces. She swears at Dakota to do the dishes and stomps out while Danielle scampers after her. Michaela says a lot of the girls think Holly should go as she’s just been scraping through each week, and no doubt they’re sick of her cracking the whip. Holly says Dakota should go as she’s causing a lot of tension in the house so it would be very convenient if she left. You can almost see her fingers steepling in imitation of Mr. Burns, with an incipient ‘excellllllent’ upon her lips.
It’s time for judging and the guest judge tonight is Shelley from Cleo magazine. Colin says Dakota arrived at the Covergirl challenge looking like she’d been living in the garden but despite her love of hobo chic she has produced a great photo this week. Sara says Tony felt Eva was a ‘little bit of a walking disaster’, oh no, don’t send little Eva home! Chris tells Nellie that Elza was the better poser and that she was "a bit more dynamic" than her twin. Lara, who was totally channeling Kirsten Dunst in her shoot, dominates her photo with Holly, who is merely there to provide a pillow for Lara’s head. Chris says Lara had the most dynamic pose but Holly’s moves were on the hoochie side. Sara tells a crestfallen Holly that Tony said there was only one single good frame of hers. WOW. It's amazing how many times Chris can say 'dynamic' in a single episode. Someone get that man a thesaurus!
Sara calls Courtney up first, telling her it’s the best photo in the competition so far. I hate to agree with Holly, but what she said about third placer Dakota is true, she does put on a demure little lady act in fact of the panel. Michaela. Elza, Nellie and Danielle, who manages a smile, are called up and then, even to her own surprise, Holly is called!! NO!!!!! LLauren and Eva are the bottom two!?!?! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The ad was right; this really is the most shocking elimination ever. Sara says she is terrified that Eva’s confidence is going and even though she is inspired by Lauren’s look, she thinks she might be “before her time.” Then, she drops a fleabomb on us and says they’re both going home! WHAAAAT? They both say they felt it coming, but I certainly didn’t. Somebody call the cops, there’s been a robbery!
Who did you think was going home this episode?
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