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| Illustrations courtesy of Alan Gray |
Last night we finally got to see the girls in Phuket and it certainly didn’t disappoint. The claws were out and we’re not talking about the wildlife.
Eliminated twin Nellie has left Elza a cute note saying, “I love you more than listening to Colin talk about himself, and that’s a huge amount.” We’re with you there Nellie; it’s our new national pastime. Danielle says the one person that she wanted gone is still here, no prizes for guessing, but do you make yourself a congratulatory cup of tea if you picked Dakota. The girls fly business class to Phuket and are staying at a swanky resort. However, as they walk in the door Sara appears on a monitor to remind them “this is not a field trip”.
Saramail
A Top Model always adapts to her surroundings. Get immersed in local culture! Love Sara.
The girls arrive at a gym to learn Muay Thai kickboxing. Lara says she would probably pick Dakota to fight because although she seems “tough and open-mouthed”, she thinks she can take her. What does ‘open-mouthed’ even mean? Is that a nice way of saying she’s got a big mouth on her? Chris is critiquing each of the girls as if this is a challenge, but then he infers that they’re trying to encourage the girls to exercise more, adding that Dakota needs to tone up because she has a bit of weight around her tummy. Covert operations to highlight muffin top!
The models then get to go sightseeing, the highlight for Danielle being a blowfish that “voms out water and it all comes out weird holes”. Meanwhile, Dakota is off on her own, she says she wants to distance herself as “the other girls are here to break down my confidence”. They end their day of touring out for dinner, and Sara suddenly appears and asks them straight off the bat who each of them thinks should go home if there was an elimination right now. Pretty much everyone names Dakota as their bottom choice. Thanks for dropping by to stir Sara! She dissolves back into the night just as the fireworks start. Dakota starts crying because she says “everybody took her down” and then turns her wrath on Lara adding “especially you, I think you are the most self centered bitch I have ever met in my life, I think you have the fattest ass out of all of us, and I seriously don’t like you.” What did Lara say to make her so mad if everyone called Dakota out? The other girls tell Dakota that was inappropriate and rude but Lara fights back with “the judges like my body, they don’t tell me to do sit-ups”.
Saramail
If you want to blend in, you need to look like a local. Keep it smooth, smooth as….? Love Sara
Elza says she was hoping for smooth snakes or smooth lizards because the message was “keep it smooth, smooth as”. That still doesn’t explain why you were hoping for reptiles Elza! They arrive at a fabric store where Colin is posing amongst the mannequins, he tells them they have five minutes to select five yards of silk and create their own Thai inspired fashions. Is this a crossover episode with Project Runway? New Zealand’s Next Top Project Model? They have thirty minutes to create their design with just a needle and thread! Yikes even a professional designer would struggle with that time frame. Colin swats the silk out of Danielle’s hand and says, “Make it work”. Oh someone please make NZ Project Runway, Colin would make a great Tim Gunn. All the garments actually look surprisingly wearable, but the challenge isn’t over yet, Colin announces they are having a fashion show, right now. Colin, Chris and Sara are sitting runway side as the girl’s parade their designs. Lara says Dakota has the weakest walk out of everyone here which is “such a shame as she has such a beautiful face”. Genius backhanded compliment there Lara. I wonder if Lara said something about Dakota’s walk and that’s what made her lash out? Sara says of Dakota’s outfit, “it’s a good effort with the layering” but Chris says “not so sure about the little tummy that it’s showing”. That’s not all that’s showing; Dakota says they were laughing at her exposed cheeks. Lara wins the challenge and gets twenty extra frames in the next photo shoot as her prize.
Saramail
Don’t fight it girls…it’s bigger than all of you!
Love Sara
Their next challenge is a swimwear shoot with Tony Drayton and they also get to pose with a little elephant, a very cute one, who looks like he has hair plugs. While Michaela takes her turn the elephant drops, well, an elephant sized turd, and a poor handler has to dispose of it, utilizing several plastic bags. Michaela asks Danielle how she thinks Dakota is doing and she says “bad……..hopefully she can hold her gut in”. Dakota gets all teary over her performance when she fails to take direction from Tony. Lara seems to have a fondness for theatrical facial expressions; she would have made a great silent movie actress. Danielle is the last of the day and she thinks the elephant was “sick of posing with girls from New Zealand” but she admits that she does try hard in her photo shoots. It also helps that Danielle finds it “definitely more easy to pose with an elephant than Dakota.”
Judging
Dakota says if she got eliminated all of her dreams would be shattered all at once. Gees what’s on her bucket list? Her wish list must read: be a Top Model, belittle others about their bodies because I’m insecure about my own, constantly talk about how my life is harder than everyone else’s, cry, then cry some more. Danielle’s photo is great, not only because she looks good but so does the elephant. Lara looks kind of dazed in the eyes and Tony tells her she needed the extra twenty frames. Lara brings up the fact that her confidence has been knocked by Dakota saying she had a “big bum”. Sara tells her that the only person who can affect her confidence is herself. COLD. ICE COLD. SERVED ON ICE. They love Elza’s but I think there might have been other photos that were better. There’s strategy to all this I’m sure, I think they’ve already decided their order and pick the photos accordingly. All the best photos have the elephant interacting with the models and Courtney’s is one of them. Sara asks Dakota if she really told Lara she had a big butt. She shyly says “yes” with her hands demurely tucked behind her back. Sara says “Why? What’s her butt got to do with you?” Dakota launches into a story about how “it’s the only thing I could pick on because she really hurt me” then says she’d like to apologise and turns to say sorry to Lara. Her photo is pretty cool but the judges say her film was all over the place. When she tries to defend herself from Chris’s criticism that she needed more variety in her posing, Sara tells her arguing is a sure fire way to get sent home.
Chris says Dakota had some shocker squat shots and Sarah finally picks up on Dakota’s Dr Jekyll/Mr. Hyde personality. The judges think Lara really needed her extra frames to get the shot. Danielle gets first picture and Courtney, Elza, Michaela follow in rapid succession. It’s down to Dakota and Lara, we knew it would come to this! Sara says Lara listens and takes direction but it’s hard to get great photos out of her. She tells Dakota she can’t figure out who the real Dakota is, the polite one or the one who tells other girls they have flaws. Dakota gets the photo and hugs Lara saying “I’m so sorry Lara”. Lara says later on that she didn’t really believe Dakota’s apology as it’s been a few days since the incident and she’s still been nasty to her. She says she’s going to go home, work out but still keep her curves. And probably breathe a sigh of relief that she no longer has to be the 'butt' of Dakota's crank comments.
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