The Jersey Shore Season Two - A House Divided

Illustration courtesy of Alan Gray

The girls are split down the middle over the Sammi/Ronnie debacle and the guys are just hoping the tension dies down so they can return to a stress free party environment.  Angelina and Vinny can’t disguise their loathing for each other but find that love and hate walk a very, very fine line together. 

You may remember last week we left JWOWW and Sammi scrapping on the kitchen floor and now we’re back to the brawl!  High heels slide across tiled floors, greased with the remnants of tuna sandwiches, as hair extensions are ripped from scalps and false nails are flung like ninja stars. Sammi tries to awkwardly punch Jenni’s skull with a fistful of her hair in her hands as the boys scrabble to separate them.  Ronnie suddenly turns on Vinny for instigating the fight by reporting back to Jenni about Angelina’s backstabbing.  Angelina whines that she gets the blame for everything and Snooki sets her straight by telling her that it’s because she is to blame! She also points the finger at Angelina for contributing to the note, which causes Sammi to verbally launch into Snooki next. Snooki gets emotional when Sam turns on her and pleads that she was only trying to look out for Sam.  Then Ronnie, obviously sensing this could turn against him, accuses Snooki of trying to break up them up due to jealousy over her break up with Emilio.  Ooh Ronnie is loving this; it’s an easy out for him! Snooki is so frustrated she shoves Ronnie hard.  Sam begged for the girls to tell her the truth and although the delivery may not have been ideal, they did follow through with her wishes. Either way she would have turned on them however they broke it to her, she clearly doesn’t want to believe that Ronnie is a snake. A smug Ronnie and Sammi think they have won a major battle, but against who?  This whole drama was caused by them and in uniting together to fight their perceived common enemies they are just deluding themselves about their own horrible issues.

The next morning Sammi says she’s basking in “beating the crap out of Jenni”.  Didn’t look like much of a beat down to me.  Hair pulling does not qualify as fighting in my book of Queensberry Rules! Sammi says she feels like a huge weight has been lifted off her shoulders and that “this is the best accomplishment she’s had in a long time”. Ugh, this girl really needs help if she feels accomplished after pulling the hair of someone alerting her to her boyfriend’s deception. Ronnie and Vinny make up in a second like boys always do; why don’t they don’t suffer from the same seething resentment as girls? Jenni calls in to work and gets the day off so she can go in for some emergency nail repairs rather than spend the day working with Ron and Sam. The gruesome twosome are gloating revoltingly over what they see as their victory. After work Sammi and Ronnie go out for a romantic date and she thanks him for supporting her during the fight.  Why is she forgetting he is the reason the fight happened in the first place?  AAAAAAAGHHHH.  I just want to shake her. 

Sammi and the boys are out playing pool when Jenni and Snooki turn up but aren’t exactly welcomed.  It’s unfair that the girls are being ostracized for breaking the news, albeit anonymously, to Sammi. They are exiled to another pool table and Mike is the only one paying them any attention.  Sammi asks Angelina about her involvement in the note but she denies it.  Sammi doesn’t entirely trust her, nor should she, but she has no other gal pals in the house so Angelina is her new BFF by default. Back at home Vinny and Angelina get into another verbal stoush over who caused the fight between Sammi and Jenni. Mike and Pauly look on shaking their heads like disapproving nanas. 

Mike and Vinny joke that Ronnie should be called MacGyver as he’s gotten off scot-free. Mike says Ronnie peed on Sam and she just took it and smiled, “just like when you’re little and you want to believe Santa Claus is alive, f****** Santa Claus is dead”. Santa Claus is dead Sammi!  The gang goes out clubbing and Vinny makes a catch that Angelina describes as a grenade, and she’s appalled that any girl would fall for his lines.  Snooki brings a guy back home but Vinny has bagged the smoosh room so she has to take him back to her shared room.  Poor Jenni has to endure the sounds of their horrendous moaning. I would just sleep on the couch!

Vinny has to work with Jenni and Sam the next day and it is tense.  Sammi keeps calling Jenni a beast behind her back and making disgusted faces.  Ooh there is nothing worse in the girl-verse than chicks that trash their friends over guys.  Jenni says she’s going to have the last laugh when the truth comes out.  Team JWOWW!

Snooki invites her new find Dennis over while the rest of the housemates go out. Jenni and Snooki decide to decontaminate the filthy ‘smoosh’ room so that Snooki and Dennis can utilize it and Jenni can get some peace.  They don garbage bag containment suits, which are sorely needed to dispose of all the unsavoury items they find in there. Snooki asks Dennis to bring a friend to keep Jenni entertained; even though Jenni has a boyfriend she says she still wants to have some fun.    

Dennis and his friend arrive but to the girl’s abject horror, the friend is a ‘man grenade’. Jenni beats a hasty retreat to her room and Dennis has to send his friend home with the knowledge that he doesn’t meet Guidette expectations. Meanwhile, the rest of the gang decide to head home and Pauly and Angelina form an unlikely couple in the cab.  All the guys watch on as they voraciously suck face in the back of the car, with Pauly encouragingly massaging Vinny’s head.  Pauly says Vinny coined the term ‘Staten Island dump’ for Angelina but now he seems to be rather enchanted by his garbage scented dumpling and she willingly leaps into his bed.  Angelina’s tune has changed too, she says Vinny’s cute and she’s single so she’s “down for it”.  Will their encounter lead to regret or a repeat?  We’ll find out next week. 

Illustration courtesy of Alan Gray