New Zealand's Next Top Model - Week Twelve

Illustrations courtesy of Alan Gray

It’s the penultimate episode and we’re really getting down to the wire now.  Just one more week to go in the most intense cycle of New Zealand’s Next Top Model ever!  Until next cycle that is. 

Before we delve into the action, let’s put on our lab coats and peer into the test tube of reality TV for a moment.  There’s more to winning Top Model than looking good, there’s a whole formula involved and it’s not necessarily the most attractive model that takes the title.  You can’t have two winners in a row that are too alike (sorry Courtney, you’re similarity to Christobel doesn’t bode well for you), and its got to be someone the public supports (which is why Dakota never really stood a chance). My very un-scientific analysis of past winners of America’s Next Top Model reveals that brunettes are by far the most popular choice with 10 of the past 14 winners sporting chestnut tresses and only two blondies scoring the top job.  Long hair rules the competition with only three cropped locked models making it as America’s Next Top Model.  Racially, there have been seven Caucasian winners and seven of African/Latino heritage.  It’s not unusual to have back-to-back African American or Caucasian winners, however they will generally have different hair length (i.e.: if a short haired girl won last time, no way will a buzz cut win next time around).  So what does this mean for our final four models?  I’m still not sure, are you?  Let’s see what happened last night.

There’s a funny moment at the beginning where Danielle booby traps the poolside crocodile with a tempting slab of Whittaker’s Ghana Peppermint so she can heave the girls in the pool.   In her haste to catch a fleeing Courtney, Danielle smashes a vase beneath the portrait of a very disapproving Colin. I was hoping the eyes might narrow with rage but sadly they stayed static.

Saramail

She who hesitates is lost.  And remember, first impressions last.  Love Sara.

Colin is waiting for them in a parking garage, elegantly poised as ever, and tells them he is sending them on go-sees, an opportunity to meet with and model for designers.  The girls will be chauffeur driven by a clutch of guys from 62 Models, Sara’s modeling agency. They have five go-sees to get to and they have to be back by 5pm.   Wouldn’t cab drivers give the girls a more realistic experience?  I guess Sara Tetro wanted her share of the advertising too after last week’s Nivea blitz. Colin always looks like he’s modeling even when he’s just standing around.  I bet he even poses pouting with one hand artfully placed on his hip as he scrubs the toilet, sorry,oversees scrubbing of the toilet.  Courtney is especially excited at the prospect of go-sees as she was up all night practicing her walk and has been looking forward to this particular challenge. 

The girls have to navigate themselves over the Harbour Bridge and around Auckland, which can be hard enough for locals but is all the more difficult for our out of towner models.  Michaela is the first to arrive at World while Danielle makes her way to Nom D where both girls get a positive response. Sable and Minx designer Theresa Brady is impressed with Danielle's walk, what a difference ten weeks and private tuition with Colin makes!   Unfortunately Courtney is blowing it big time; Francis Hooper from World says he wouldn’t book Courtney “simply because our brand is a very flamboyant brand”. 

Courtney tries to make up for lost time and races to Westlake Girls High for a weird shoot in the school gym.  Elza doesn’t look too sportive in her basketball shorts but Danielle is right at home in the sportswear.   Michaela makes it back to home base first with Elza right on her heels and Danielle just makes it in with four minutes to spare.  The first three girls made it to all five go-sees but poor Courtney, who seemed to spend most of her time crossing the Harbour Bridge, only got to four designers and arrives ten minutes late for the deadline.  To make matters worse she didn’t get any bookings.  Danielle takes the win for the most bookings and gets a Ford Fiesta to drive for 12 months and will be a Ford Fiesta ambassador at car shows.  Does this mean she will have to pose on a revolving pedestal and make weird hand gestures? 

Saramail

Here’s an opportunity to get loose girls.

The girls arrive at the Glassons ‘Funhouse’ and Danielle reveals another reason to like her, she hates clowns. Craig Owen from cycle one will be the photographer for this shoot and and he seems kind of, well, mean?  Although a diplomatic Elza implies it’s good for them to get used to modeling in a real environment. Courtney is styled as a be-ringleted sad harlequin, quick, hide her from Danielle before she attacks!  She’s supposed to be a marionette but she has a hard time getting the concept. Danielle is made up like the tattooed lady from a circus freak show; her confidence has just sky rocketed during this competition and she is really enjoying photo shoots now. Michaela has a big weep right before her photo but thankfully her smeary pink make up is easy to retouch.  She thinks letting out her stress before the shoot was helpful but she still looks upset in the shoot and Chris picks up on it.  

Judging

Elza tells the judges she loved the go-see challenge and getting to see Auckland, which she also loves.  Ooh it loves you back Elza.  Danielle says she loved “getting out and meeting the designers”, something she would never have said back at the beginning.  They aren’t too thrilled with her photo though and I think they’re trying to pull back on the praise because at this late stage they don’t want anyone to be perceived as a favourite. The judges do like Michaela’s photo surprisingly enough, even though it looks like exactly the same frame that Chris was critical of.  Why are they making out that her shoot went well?  Courtney starts crying because of her poor performance in the challenge and guest judge Francis Hooper from World basically tells her to keep her lips zipped at go-sees and says they didn’t book her because she said she “wasn’t a model”.  I thought it was because World was so “very flamboyant”!

Francis says when he heard Elza was from Dunedin he thought she was going to be a ‘gothbag’ (titter) but instead she floored them.  Chris says Danielle’s photo is the weakest of the four and Francis is also surprised with her photo considering how good she was on the go-see.  Maybe if they hadn’t plastered her with bubblegum tattoos she wouldn’t have receded into the hydrangeas, as they claim.  After a bit of praise slinging for Michaela’s photo shoot, Chris finally speaks up about her attitude on set.  Michaela gets first photo, hmmm surely a questionable decision.  Danielle is called next to our relief and, Elza, who should have gotten first photo by rights, is breaking out in a nervous rash already.  It’s just down to Elza and Courtney now and is it ever getting painful to watch!  Elza is deservedly through to the final three and wee Courtney is the tenth girl to be eliminated.  Next week is the FINAL and it looks like it’s going to be a good one, anything featuring a baby elephant has got to be fabulous!